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25th November 2013

Well, that’s that then… D is pretty much weaned.

It wasn’t his choice to do it, and that makes me very sad. However, I could not continue to breastfeed him – it was just too painful :( I’m guessing it’s something to do with the fact that I am in the late stages of this pregnancy (no other problems found), but it is absolutely agonising for him to be on now. Sometimes I can cope – we managed a couple of times in the morning over the weekend – but for the most part I think our bf relationship is well and truly over. I no longer feed him to sleep; I no longer give him sleepy milky cuddles; he no longer runs to me when I get back from work expecting a feed. He’s ok with it as long as he’s kept distracted. It was never a food thing in these last few months/weeks anyway (pretty sure I’ve had nothing – maybe just a bit of colostrum – for a while now) but a comfort thing, so as long as that is taken care of, he does not mind so much.

Of course, he still wants to feed and that makes me even sadder :( I’m hoping that once the milk comes back in for #2 that he will be able to feed once again, and we will be able to continue where we left off. I really wanted to go to 2 years with this and not wean at just short of 18 months, but it’s distressing both of us now and that’s not good. I hope in that respect that it is simply a side-effect of pregnancy that’s causing the ultra-sensitivity and not that his latch has deteriorated beyond repair, but we shall see.

I have noticed that since ‘forcing’ the weaning issue (at night to start with), D sleeps through the night comfortably now. I have mixed feelings about that; on the one hand I am pleased that he is getting undisturbed sleep, that’s good for everyone. On the other hand, it comes back down to doing this against his will, and feeling like he sleeps through because he knows there’s no other option :(

Taking each day as it comes. Who knows – perhaps tomorrow everything will be ok again.