Mum-related thoughts and stuff
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18th February 2014

D has been ill with one thing or another since Christmas, but last week after starting nursery properly, he came down with a suspected ear infection that’s obviously made him feel absolutely terrible – we’ve had days of screaming and not much else.

His behaviour sort of makes me think of him having regressed back to baby stage: the crying, wanting to be held all the time and wanting to nurse – yes, nurse – pretty much all the time.

It’s been interesting to do that nursing part. At first, I expressed some milk for him (our preferred method, since I’m getting into the habit of expressing after being approved to be a milk donor :D ) but I couldn’t keep up and he wanted it from the source anyway. But it is clear now that it wasn’t my pregnancy (or not just that, anyway) which was responsible for agonising feeds – it was his latch. With E, I have no problems feeding for hours if necessary, but with D, 5 minutes is enough to have me climbing the walls in pain. He doesn’t trigger a let down (I have to have E on in tandem – or the pump – to do that; another reason I prefer to express for him now) and generally just seems to use it for comfort. I suspected this all along back when we were actively nursing – I knew the milk had dried up/become colostrum, and it was excruciating having him continue to feed the way he was. That said, perhaps that wasn’t the case and it was the pregnancy, but he’s lost his latch since and it’s caused the same symptoms…? I think more likely it’s the first scenario (i.e. it was always the latch), but you never know…

Of course, reintroducing the breast has meant going back to our old problems, the reasons I had to stop in the first place. Other than pain, D always wanted to be attached permanently. His ‘feeds’ would last hours and I’d be in agony throughout. I tried several times to correct his latch but it never came to much :(

Overall though, I am glad he’s showing interest again. I feel better knowing I can do my bit to help him through this, even if it isn’t much at this stage – I hated watching as he struggled with the flu at Christmas and being able to do nothing for him. I have a feeling he’ll still be into this even after this illness has passed; we shall see how that goes…

Now of course I just need to build up enough of a supply to keep both him and E happy – and then have enough to donate afterwards. Oof!