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Looking back

30th December 2013

I don’t intend to have any more children at this stage – two was always my plan and now that that’s happened, I’m happy to stick with that.

So with that comes a certain sense of everything happening for the last time; that’s the last time I’ll be pregnant, the last time I’ll go into labour and the last time I’ll give birth. I think I’ll feel a greater ‘loss’ when everything’s settled down, but I do think I didn’t necessarily enjoy this pregnancy as much as I could have. That is largely down to running around after D and working full time and all that, but also because up until right at the end, I sailed right through this pregnancy with no problems. I had hardly any morning sickness, compared to the 5+ months of hyperemesis with D. I had little discomfort and minimal heartburn. Aside from growing larger, I hardly noticed I was pregnant at all, in fact. Nothing was new like it was with D – he was carefully planned and I spent a lot of time reading books about the stages he and I were going through, taking bump pictures, taking note of the tiniest changes to my body and generally being excited at what was happening to me. I was less excited at what would happen after that :P

This time, I think I have one bump picture. I vaguely read up on stages but only because it helped me keep track of how many weeks I was. I got more annoyed than excited about bodily changes and although I was more excited about the birth than with D, I tried not to think about it more than anything else. 2 under 2? Ack!

It seems odd to me that D was ever this small. I know he was because I remember, but looking at him now and looking at the pictures of him at this age, I fail to connect the two. You don’t really notice just how much someone changes when you spend every day with them, and even though I was at work a lot with D I was still there every night. I have only seen him for maybe an hour at a time since E was born and I can already tell he’s changed a lot in the week I’ve spent away from him. He’s so big, independent and a wonderfully engaging child; I just can’t picture him being as small and helpless as he once was. He’s now fully weaned, mainly sleeps alone (this happened since I’ve not been there, going to miss the cuddles :( ) and is happy to entertain himself for hours at a time. We’ll be starting him at nursery once the dust has settled after E’s birth and the seasonal period; I think he’ll come to really enjoy that once he settles in, of course.

I think this stage with E will fly by. It seemed to take ages with D because he was our first and only child, so we were getting used to things as well as trying to juggle our normal lives on top. Definitely going to try and enjoy it as much as possible.